Books

Reading, for me, has gone through a strange transformation. It used to be something that I would either do for pleasure or for education. They were two distinct circles. These circles started to approach each other and bump lines when I read the book Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers. This book felt like it tapped on themes that I knew were relevant to how I lived my life specifically. Harry Potter and Tamora Pierce's series definitely had relevant themes and values, such as loyalty, courage, and the importance of wisdom. But this one, with it's explicit Christian themes and Christ's love imbibing every chapter, was different. It was fiction made compatible with Truth. I sold my soul for a brief period of time and read the Twilight series, and felt it come back full force when I read Captivating. This book provides beautiful insight about God's specific and purposeful design for women. This timing was probably for the best, considering all of the junk Twilight probably put in my head. I then read The Alchemist, by Paul Coelho which, to this day, is still one of my favorite books. It's a short read with some of the most universal and accessible ideas about life as an adventure. After that and a couple of other good books, I was very lucky to start dating a wonderful man right around Christmas time. A guy after my own heart, he gave me two books that I now consider among my favorites: Man Alive and Common Sense 101. The first is a fiction work by G.K. Chesterton that focuses on a main character who attempts, in a variety of odd tactics, to place himself outside of his own life in order to gain perspective and wisdom about the joy and blessings of life. The second is a commentary on the reason, intellect, and... well, common sense, that Chesterton lends to the Christian/Catholic faith. After adding Mere Christianity  and Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, as well as Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love by Edward Sri, a few John Green novels, quite a few Shakespeare works, Jesus Freaks (martyr narrative collection), and An Anthology of Christian Mysticism, some of which were at the recommendation of the same guy both during the time we dated and after, and others just things I picked up here and there, I found something curious. I loved books with God in them. Not in a "Oh well you could consider God to be in every book because God is everywhere," kind of way. I loved books that people wrote in order to help me create and find and understand my relationship with God, in any way. Fictional? Sure! Non-fiction? Why not! Sci-fi, romance comedy, opera, narrative, biography? Whatever! I have found that I also like books about people... how they think, feel, relate. I believe that this is because humans are made in the image of God, and oftentimes, God reveals himself to us through other people. What makes this so curious is that it contradicts the motivation of reading in order to escape to another world, which is a popular sentiment about why so many young people read (especially fiction). God is the biggest and most identifiable part of our world, and we're not going to really find Him anywhere but in reality. Before senior year of high school, I curled into the secluded corners of my dog-tailed pages to find a refuge which was always so different than what lay outside the book's binding. But, slowly but surely, I started scrounging through lines and lines of stories I loved, unsatisfied with the point of the story. I would think to myself, "Okay, but who cares? Cool, she becomes the first lady knight of this realm and has a magical cat. She worked hard and earned it and stuff. And?" Unless I could convince myself that what I was reading mattered outside of developing a plot line, it wasn't worth my time! I think I might still hold that opinion. Reading is kind of like food- fill up on the good stuff! It reminds me of a cool, conclusive quote I came across reading one of these more "brain-nutritious" books:

"Merely having an open mind is nothing. The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid."  -G.K. Chesterton

Pride

... is tricky. It's one of the devil's favorite play-things. The minute you think you have succeeded in getting rid of it is when you, again, find yourself in danger of having it. C.S. Lewis has some great things to say about pride. In C.S. Lewis' book, Mere Christianity, he has a whole chapter dedicated to it, and does he have some great things to say! I will admit, reading that chapter in particular, I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into my chair. Coming from a family where competitiveness is as prevalent a trait as having two feet, one of his quotes hit me pretty significantly:
 “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.”
Wow. Yeah, that is definitely true. When you combine that with Theodore Roosevelt's "Comparison is the thief of joy," there is some great insight to why people, why I, can be so miserable. 
It made me look at some of things that I feel consistently rob me of joy.
1. Times I feel like the only way I hang out with friends is because I invite them to do things.
2. Not getting to the gym as much as I wanted during the week.
3. Wishing I wasn't at Nova and could just be at Mason. 


Now these things don't just made me sad. These things are capable of taking away good, deep-seeded happiness that I had been accumulating all week, or sometimes longer. Why? Why should any of those things be able to do that? It's situations that don't have a simple answer. If you were hungry, and it was because you didn't have time to eat, that sorrow would be much less powerful than if you were hungry because you couldn't afford to feed yourself, and less powerful, still, than if you couldn't afford to feed yourself because you were working a low end job you were ashamed of. Pride so easily for me, and for others, becomes the root of the most terrible, and oftentimes untrue feelings. Shame, bitterness, hate, selfishness, envy- some of the worst ones in the book- very commonly stem from pride. Why does the first situation on my list make me so miserable? Because, if I feel I'm the only one initiating contact with friends, than maybe I am not as fun or as funny or as popular as I thought. Ouch. Why #2? Because maybe I will not measure up to my sister or my friends, or they will not think I should be working at the health center I work at unless I am perfectly fit. Why #3? Because I am embarrassed that I go to a community college and I feel like I have to prove that my intelligence is above the stereotypical community college student's. These may seem silly reasons, but, to me, they are very real. Sin does funky things with your brain. 
As with everything though, love changes the picture and offers a solution. Humility doesn't hurt, either. The minute I let my pride go as it pertained to my sister, Lauren, 3 summers ago, was the minute I lost the bitterness I had accumulated over the first 14 years of her existence. She became my best friend and (although I hear picking favorites is uncool), I love her more than I love anyone in the world. So! Lessons to be learned? 
1. Love my friends. Another cool quote from a book called Captivating, 
"For people to enjoy relationship, they must repent of their need to control and their insistence that people fill them. Fallen Man demands that people "come through" for them. Redeemed Man is being met in the depths of their soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed." I mean, how does it get any better or plainer than that? Gah. Love that book.
2. Love myself, in the person that God made me. There is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy, fit body. But wanting one because other people have them and so I should have one and no one will like me unless I have one and blah blah blah more nonsense is where the issue lies. 
3. Ok this one is a little more obvious. The bitterness I have towards my school is terrible and it makes me less able to love those around me on that campus, because I associate them with what I feel, is a personal failure. Humble acceptance of the path God has for us will always lead to joy. It opens us up to a world untainted by annoyance and frustration, and how good does that sound?


Finally, I just want to finish with two more C.S. Lewis quotes, from the same chapter. 
"...for Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense." Woah. Kind of scary, yeah. But! 
"[God] wants you to know Him: wants to give you Himself. And He and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble- delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life. " Delightedly humble sounds pretty sweet. 
So! That's it. Lots of work and a coffee date with a high school friend today. That is all. Good bye. 

Ash Wednesday WOO!

I LOVE. Ash wednesday. I love it. I can't help adoring the idea of getting to really delve into the scary nitty gritty that is my soul and just go to work with Jesus on it! Yes, there are a lot of not so pretty things there. But I get to get rid of it! Or work on getting rid of it, along with the habits that get all of that junk in my heart in the first place! Yes!

Anyway, started out with some exercise this morning, and because today was beautiful, I rode my moped to mass on campus. The readings were fabulous, and the lector was fabulous (for some reason that matters? It probably shouldn't), I got myself a sweet cross, I talked to friends afterward (about journaling, which is my favorite thing to do), this guy at the store asked me if the ashes were from my helmet (to which I responded no very politely and then we talked about lent for a while), and then I went to work and then I came home and made a cool new recipe!
Whew. Good day. OH! and I watched parks and rec and didn't break the fast. Pretty excited.

Also, I had an important realization tonight. If you had an interaction with another person, and, honestly, your intentions were purely out of sincere love for the other person, you should never feel guilty or stupid about that interaction. Any action borne out of love for others is a good thing. Period. I can just be silly sometimes and get easily embarrassed. Also I over-analyze. Eesh. Good thing I have plenty of time to fix my heart before it stops beating.

Oh! If you're curious about my recipe, here it is (basically):

Crispy Potato Rounds with Cool Basil Dip

1 red potatoe, sliced into very thin rounds
1 cup of seasoned bread crumbs
1 tbsp parmesan
1/2 cup of milk
1 egg white
---
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
dash of dill
dash of garlic
2 tsp basil

(rounds)
-Preheat the oven to 350
-Whisk the egg white and the milk together in one bowl
-Combine the parmesan and the bread crumbs in another bowl
-Cover a cookie sheet with foil
-Dip each potato round completely in the milk/egg mixture, and then one flat side in the bread crumb/parm mixture
-Lay bread crumbs up onto the cookie sheet
-Repeat with all rounds
-Sprinkle some of the remaining bread crumb/parm mixture over the rounds
-Bake until the edges of the rounds start to brown
----
 (dip)
-Combine sour cream and worchestire sauce
-Stir in basil, garlic, and dill

So yeah... kind of made it up, kind of heard about something maybe similar-ish? I want to try with zucchini... anyway, have at it! Let me know what you think if you try it!

Peace

Lent 2012!

Lord knows I'm going to need something to keep my mind off facebook these next few weeks... So looks like I'm revisiting the good ol' blog!

For those of you who are participating in this oftentimes grueling, and always exciting time of the year, I've found and been advised a few great methods to fasting/sacrificing that I thought I'd share!

1. Pick something measurable. This means minutes of prayer, numbers of daily masses a week, hours of weekly exercise, numbers of cups of coffee a day, etc. Less room for wiggle, less temptation to wiggle!
2. If the idea of giving something up doesn't hurt a little when you think about it, it's not even worth it. Part of the whole idea behind sacrificing something for Lent is to help us be one with Jesus in his sacrifice for us. Choose something that will make you mindful of this sacrifice, and take it on joyfully! Nothing says this better than Romans 12:12,
"Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer."
3. Sacrifice isn't the only Lenten behavior. Also consider adding something- trying to do a profound act of service for your community every week, or saying a decade of the rosary each day, or even doing a random act of kindness daily is another great way to draw closer to God during Lent.
4. Don't take on the world! Something that works really well for me is sacrificing one or maybe two things, and then taking on one thing aimed towards helping me grow spiritually.

Don't know if those will be particularly helpful for anyone, but who knows! This year I'll be giving up anything with sugar on the ingredient label as well as facebook. I've done facebook pretty consistently for Lent, so I think adding something is a good idea. I am also going to be following "The Word Among Us" throughout Lent, which I am super excited about!

Throughout Lent I also hope to continue my new habit of getting to the chapel at Mason every day for some prayer alone time- the word among us will be probably be incorporated into that time. I've been reading Mere Christianity and I am totally blown away with each page turned. C.S. Lewis is incredible. Hoping to encourage my sister to start a blog so we can keep up with each other more :) Woo! God bless!

-Annie/Annika/Whatever you want to call me... as long as it's nice.

An inadequate explanation

I posted this on my tumblr and thought I'd like it here, too.

An inadequate explanation

Part of me says I should be an introvert. 

None the less, I am a blatant, almost to the point of obnoxiousness, extrovert. I need people’s presence like I need oxygen. My desperation for interaction parallels that of a junkie. 

Still, when reading up on personality types, a kind of longing struck me as I read about the stigma surrounding the “introvert.” Something about that mind, that mind that is so comfortable within itself, so willing to search deeper, makes my breath shallow with yearning. 

Activity creates a paradox within myself. I sense turmoil in my heart or mind, and any semblance of introspection is paralyzed. I become petrified with the thought of, again, delving into the often so chaotic soul that I possess. So, I do things. Each grocery store errand, each click of the mouse, scratch of the pen, footstep, word spoken, drips with the anxiety of the impending doom that awaits my idle mind. 

I could chalk my extroverted, perpetually mobile lifestyle up to this. Still, though, in the moments where I have succumbed to the incessant whirrings of the gears in my head, and I have painstakingly made peace with the haunting truths that have hung far too long above me, there is restlessness.

This restlessness is not anxious. This restlessness starts with a new definition of existence. It is the only reason I ever “take up arms against my sea of troubles, and by opposing end them,” as it were. I suppose this feeling is the joy and grace we receive when searching for, and finding truth. An echo of the eternal world in the present moment. It makes my heart, mind, and body as one with the world as the sunlight is one with the air: consciously breathing every breath, consciously shaping every word, consciously feeling every muscle in my face move as a smile is exchanged between strangers, consciously noting every tendril tugged as the wind combs through my hair. This existence underlies my incessant need to DO. Not DO in the sense of doing for the purpose of doing, but doing because I was made to DO. 

In this I realize that I was made with a creator’s heart. I can reside in my thoughts as long as I can produce something from it. A thought is a seed, and my head is a constantly overflowing green house that doesn’t need pruning, but expanse; millions of gardens of thought that the world tends to, and contributes to, and cares for. 

Our world is a world of art. The comparison of the world of art to a garden is not cliche. Art and gardens have such a similar purpose: to benefit the world through beauty and passion. As a creation, I create; as an extravert I look outside and wish to let things my fidgeting fingers and mobile mind produce resonate with this world outside of my own little world of population: one. It is a world of light and darkness, of music, silence, anguish, comfort, of extroverts and of introverts.

I suppose whatever it is I am, whatever it is I do or why I do it, I’m happy I belong here.

If you're curious about my tumblr... it's basically only rantings and poetry, but here it is:

http://annierowson.tumblr.com/

Coming Back

Vulnerability has never been something easy for me to handle. I am an older sister. I am a healer, a confidant, a coach, and a protector. So much of my joy comes from fulfilling these roles. Recently, I've had to let others fulfill them for me, and it's simply not easy. My family is wonderful, and my high school friends have been especially helpful support over the past couple of months. 


I love when daily readings are just what you needed to hear. Today, this resounded so wonderfully with me:
      "He therefore let you be afflicted with hunger,
and then fed you with manna,
a food unknown to you and your fathers,
in order to show you that not by bread alone does one live,
but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of the LORD."

Good can come from any suffering. I can't fix everything for myself, no matter how hard I try, and there is grace in this. I am truly grateful I am learning this lesson now, rather than later. For now, I don't know if I want to talk about my issues on a blog, and I'm not good with asking for prayers for myself, but they definitely would be appreciated. 

The Hobbit

Among the many books that I have read/am reading while in Florida, the most recent is "The Hobbit" by J.R.R. Tolkein. I've been at it for a few days, and I'm almost done. It's the final battle between goblins with their wolves and basically every other race involved. There's only ten pages left, so you know it's almost over, and the intensity is rising, and your fingertips start to hurt with the urgency of knowing how the story ends. I wish I could say that I feel as strongly about the end of my program that I've been involved in for four months as I do about this book that I've been reading for four days. I just want it to be over... This book, however did bear some semblance. There was a lot of work involved: dragons to slay, days with little food to be had, sleeping on rocks (our mattresses can't be too much better), dogs to impersonate... oh wait, that was just me. Regardless, long treks come to endings. Thank goodness for that. Already I have a few cool plans for the first weeks I am back. Lots of hanging out with the family, lots of hanging out with friends, a recording of a song, a bonfire to go to, a burrito to be eaten, a moped to ride, a dog to be trampled by, and tons of stories to be told. I finished my two classes today! I got a B in Marketing You, which I am very pleased with. That class was so much harder than I bargained for, and it taught me so much more than I could have ever expected. I don't find out my grade for Creativity and Innovation until next week- although I did find out that I received one of the three perfect grades on my semester-long project! Woohoo! I loved that class- it felt like it was designed for me. Well, 7 days left until I leave, 4 days left of work. Now I shall finish the hobbit! :)

Home-coming and Blessed and Grateful #3!

I... I can see it coming... I'm actually going to come home at some point. I'm not going to be in Florida forever... This idea is nuts to me. I thought I was destined to be perpetually enslaved in this sparkling dungeon where my handcuffs were shaped like mickey-heads. But, lo! The sun is rising! By the sun is rising, I mean to say that the next schedule that drops will be the schedule of my last week. My brother gets here on the 11th and we'll be spending that day and the 12th at the parks before we leave on the 13th. Scheduling is complicated, but I will hopefully be able to get those two days off. I'm really excited about seeing Dan. Even when I was home, we didn't get to see each other too much, and we're in need of a big catching up. He's been a teachers assistant for a good while now, and that just seems like such a fit. Having Dan for a teacher in high school would have been hilarious! My dad just sent me his flight itinerary, and that's the first concrete document I have that leads directly to my vindication. Naturally, I'm beyond ecstatic! I got "The Hobbit", and I'm hoping to finish that by the time I leave. So far, books I've read while I've been down here include: "Common Sense 101" and "Manalive" by G.K. Chesterton, "Looking for Alaska" and "Paper Towns" by John Green, "The Silver Chair," "The Last Battle," and "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis, "Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love," by Edward Sri, "The Princess and the Goblin," by George MacDonald, and a good chunk of "An Anthology of Christian Mysticism," which I've kind of been jumping around in. I didn't even know I packed it, and I will be returning that to the Bellarmine Library once I get home... *guilty look*. I'm really bummed because I wanted to read "Wuthering Heights" while I was down here but I seem to have left it back home... Anyways! Reading has definitely been amazing. I don't get to do enough of it at home, so it has been a really edifying aspect of my program. 8 p.m. will be my new "workout hour" until I get home- I'm rarely still working by then- and I'm trying to eat super healthy so I'll have tons of energy when I get back! It's very curious to think about what I'm returning to. My brother, Will, is now confirmed, braced, and at least two inches taller, Greg is going to be in 6th grade next year, and Andrew just sounds so grown up on the phone. Emily is turning 16, Lauren is graduating, my parents have been to Italy. So much has happened! I wonder if going home is going to feel incredibly different because of these changes. There's so much to do this summer! Jobs to work, events to plan, babies to sit (babysitting, get it?), songs to write, books to read, trails to hike, prayers to pray, friends to see, jokes to be laughed at, bonfires to ignite, relationships to grow in... and yet all of this doesn't make me anxious. It makes me so excited!
I'm trying to follow the advice of C.S. Lewis:
                       "Obey the present voice of conscience; bearing the present cross, receiving the present                         grace, giving thanks for the present pleasure,"
but it's definitely a challenge when I am getting so pumped for all of the graces and pleasures that are so close I can almost touch them! Granted they will be 900 miles away, but you get the picture. To help me with this challenge, here comes my next blessed and grateful list :)
30. Plane tickets
31. Rum cup-cakes (thanks, michelle!)
32. Themed cupcakes on google :D
33. Birthday party planning
34. My fluorescent-green water-bottle
35. Blogging. It's fun.
36. That everyone is safe in Virginia, even with all of the crazy crazy weather.
37. The Chronicles of Narnia, especially "The Last Battle". Even without any other reason, you need to read all of the chronicles just so you can read the last book. It's just so beautiful and encouraging. C.S. Lewis=the man.
38. Laura, who is the best friend someone could ask for.
39. Fresh laundry.
40. Reconciliation ohhhh man. So good. Also, I like "reconciliation" more than "confession", because reconciling yourself with God is the purpose to confess in the first place.
41. Mumford & Sons and Alive in Wild Paint
42. This moment I had yesterday:
I called home to talk about plane-tickets and such with my family, and my little brother, Drew, answered the phone. I got excited and had a moment where I'm sure at the other end, air flew out of the ear piece and knocked over Drew like in a cartoon. "HI, DREW!!" "Hi, Annie!" "OH MY GOSH HOW ARE YOU??!" "I'm fine! How about you?" I was stunned. He sounded grown up. It was weird. The best part is coming. I then asked (still more excited than the 8-year-old boy), "Andrew! Guess how long until I'm back?!!" "Umm... 16 days, right?"
He swore he wasn't looking at a calendar, yet he was right. It was the sweetest thing ever.


That's it for now, hope all are having blessed weeks!

WOOOO

I love Easter. SO MUCH. My love of Easter was probably sparked by the reason of my existence previously stated: free/abundant food. Just kidding! Actually, it probably helped. Definitely mainly for the happy Jesus rising from the dead reason, though :)
Back home, we have many Easter traditions. These include:
-Easter vigil mass at night
-Baskets in the morning
-Brunch with the Berneros and Whiteheads
-Older-kid-inclusive Easter-egg hunt at my house
-Pretty dressing up-ness
-Easter-egg hunt at my grandparents where I get to hide eggs
-Easter dinner at my grandparents
-Night prayer with my family

So, I missed a lot being down here, but I had some lovely Easter experiences of my own. In Easter mass, I sat down to a really lovely couple about my parents' age, and the wife was just especially sweet. We both were excitedly wishing others a happy Easter along with our "Peace be with you"s, and it made us laugh. On the way home, there was a kind of sketchy-lookin dude walking towards me and I wished him a happy Easter and he lit up and laughed and wished me one. Then I did the same for my security guard, who responded similarly. After I got home, Mallory and I went to Publix to do some grocery shopping. I told Mallory about the guy on the way home, and once we were inside security on the way back, she yelled "HAPPY EASTER!!" to this random guy walking by, with no response. So she did the only reasonable thing. She yelled it again louder. "HAPPY!! EASTERRR!!!". This time he heard her, looked up, and shouted back "Oh! Happy Easter!" She was quite happy, and repeated this act with everyone else we passed until we parked. Then Mallory invented the "magic meter", which measures how much Disney magic someone possesses. People, she says, that didn't excitedly return her "Happy Easter"s obviously did not have a very high reading on the magic meter. She thought herself very clever, and neither of us could stop laughing about the magic meter and it's cleverness until we finally got into the apartment. Then I made sloppy joes, which are obviously paschal cuisine. I also got an apple pie with ice-cream for the girls for breakfast tomorrow, and made hard-boiled eggs for the first time. Woohoo! Now I'm off to bed and a little bit of "Screwtape Letters" reading before my 12 hour shift tomorrow. Also, if you are a person who will see my little brother, Will, in the near future, wish him a happy confirmation! If you are, in fact, Will, however, here's a little shout out for you :)

I am so tremendously proud of you. I am proud of your kindness, I am proud of your wisdom, and I am proud of your diligence of faith. You are such an amazing example of Christ-like love to your little brothers and everyone else you come in contact with. You have a beautiful soul, Will, and I am so looking forward to watching you grow more and more in your relationship with Jesus. He has a wonderful witness, soldier, and friend in you. I love you!

What can I say? My little brothers are totally my weakness!
Happy Easter and God bless.

Night of Stars update!

Hey guys! Can't upload video, although I'll get the DVD later if anyone wants to see it, but here's some pictures from the night!

 my roommate, Shannon, took this one of  me when my face was up on the big screen :) thought it looked cool!

here's the two girls I became closest with that night- Gabbie in the middle, and Ashton on the right. They're awesome!

Blessed and Grateful #2 (10-29)

Blessed and grateful for...
10. The Whitehead family
11. Claire's first two goals of the season! Huzzah!
12. Big, soft, salted pretzels
13. Roller coasters
14. The Andray family, plus Kim, Makennah, and Rylah (who are totally part of that family, anyway)
15. Those families that you aren't connected to in blood, but unquestionably in everything else
16. Books that use the word "bosom" like "Princess and the Goblin". It's uncomfortable and hilarious.
17. Books, period.
18. Funny ring tones- heard kim possible and "it's so fluffy!!" this week
19. Little girls in princess tiaras with sparkly eyes. It also helps when they open their autographs books for me :)
20. The prospect of Owl City's album that comes out in June!! If you don't read this blog, and feel the need to read some seriously profound, clever, inspiring, and wholesome thoughts of an artist, this is where it's at: http://owlcityblog.com/
21. Sunshine
22. Cloud cover
23. Kids that write me cards and draw me pictures
24. Twitter and it's ability to distract me from minor facebook withdrawal
25. Peach yogurt
26. Yogayogayogayogayoga
27. Ricola cough drops
28. Water
29. Holy Thursday mass! Basilica choir at Mary, Queen of the Universe= Love

Whewwww that was surprisingly easy, actually.
Happy Holy Thursday!

Family fun times

Although immediate family has yet to visit me here in the happiest place on earth, I have gotten the closest I  possibly could this week. My best friend's family, that is, her brother and dad, along with his girlfriend and her two daughters, came down this past week and I got to spend a day with them at Magic Kingdom. It was so fun! I love nannying, and Kim always shares her daughters with me when we're all together. Although I missed Lyndsey terribly, it was wonderful to see all of them. The only place I spend more time in than my own house is their house, and they bring the feeling of welcome wherever they go. It's a wonderful thing when you realize that home is in people, not in latitudes and longitudes. Then, today, I was fortunate enough to go to a Woodson lax game that was being played at the ESPN wide world of sports, where my good friend, Claire, melted some faces. By that, I mean she scored a goal WOOHOO! I have known Claire since she was about four, I think, and it sounds inaccurate to call her anything but my sister. Our parents just got back from Italy together for their 25th anniversary trip, and we've all been talking about story-swapping when we finally are reunited in three weeks. I didn't spend all night with Claire, because Disney World is definitely at team-bonding opportunity, but it was wonderful to get to see her for at least a couple hours. I can't believe I only have three weeks left! My brother and I have just started talking about our plans for him flying down and us driving back. It's crazy. Now I'm starting to make plans for work and such when I get home. This "adult" thing is a busy business. I'm excited to start working... while out of a fur coat and the sun haha. Something I'm looking forward to more is coming home from work to my family. To my mom who I can share anything with, to my sister who can make any situation hilarious and talk sense into any of my melodramatics, and my brothers who consistently turn my world, and more often than not, my frowns, upside down. I'm also looking forward to ultimate. I love me some ultimate. My first week will probably be spent actually seeing Kevin with my own eyes, catching up with people, hanging out with Christophe as much as I possibly can before he leaves for Seattle for the summer, and trying to get readjusted to Fairfax life. This week I've chewed through three books. Two of them were set in high-school, and written by the wonderful John Green, who is both witty and insightful. I was kind of hesitant to read a high-school set book, because I took to thinking that it would revolve around the basic high-school social environment: drama, politics, and immature romance. It's basically real life that just admits to being what it is. Green definitely wove some relevant and thought-provoking themes into these books though. If you want to check them out, they are called "Looking for Alaska" and "Paper Towns". The other is a book written in the 1800s called "The Princess and the Goblin". Just a fun story from childhood that is 300 pages long- it was a fun thing to go back to. The first two books, however, really reminded me of things that I should have taken away from similar experiences I had in high school. I started writing down memories I had forgotten, and I had a chance to talk to some of my closer high school friends and talked to them about these memories and just about friendship in general. It was very cool. Okay, Mallory just woke up for work so I'm going to go to sleep. I hope this post was coherent? Maybe? I'll check it tomorrow...

New Idea! Blessed and Grateful #1

Reading my the blog of one of the most inspiring, hysterical, and all around wonderful women I know, Mary Lenaburg, I came across a terrific idea! She lists things she is blessed and grateful for, and will expand on that list more and more occasionally as the blogs go on. I really like this idea, and I think it might make the giving up complaining for Lent issue a little easier. So here's my first part of the list! In hers, it looks as if they are usually pretty timely and specific, so I'm going to try to follow suit.

Grateful and Blessed list (1-9)
1. Making a new friend at work today and getting to see a new character, Angelica, in the park.
2. The light rain walking to the bus. It was so refreshing!
3. My two roommates who came to night of stars
4. All of the new friends I met at night of stars
5. Going on the carousel at Magic Kingdom for the first time
6. The awesome bus system at Disney
7. The free food we got at work. Woohoo!
8. One particularly lovely family I got to play with at work today- the grandma totally made my day when she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me I reminded her of her puppy.
9. My sister finding her prom dress! I showed her the website she found it on, and it made me feel like I was actually involved in the process. I was afraid, coming here, that I wouldn't.

I'm sure I'll pick up with this soon :)

Night of Stars

Monday was definitely the most fun I've had during my whole college program here at Disney. It was so refreshing being around musicians, being around people that have a passion for something. I woke up at 6, packed up my guitar, dress, lunch, and everything else, and headed to Magic Kingdom first to get a new ID (no luck on finding my lanyard... reported it stolen, sadly), and then I went to Hollywood Studios where we checked in, had vocal warm-ups, were fed breakfast, and started tech rehearsal. I was just blown away. The sound system was flawless, the venue was huge, the lighting was blinding, but still awesome, and the technicians were so cool! I had so much fun. The sound techies mixed my voice live so there were some cool echos and other effects, and I got to joke around with them about meat-dresses and such and it was just a blast. After tech rehearsal, we ate some lunch, practiced some more, and started getting ready for dress rehearsal. Dress rehearsal was madness. I've never had four different girls giving me hair and make-up advice at once, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intimidated. In the end, wearing my chucks with my shimmery dress, lipstick, and curled hair was my favorite wardrobe choice :) After dress rehearsal, we had interviews to be put on the Night of Stars DVD. We had some time to relax and eat dinner after that, and it was really nice bonding time. At this point, we had all been together for 12 hours, and friendships had definitely formed. I especially got to kno a girl named Gabbie, who was a vocalist, and a German international student named Jason, a DJ, who ended up winning the best "Specialty Act" with his partner, who is a Yo-yo national champion. I already knew three of the girls there through work, so it was nice to see a couple familiar faces. Waiting to perform was crazy. Thankfully, Gabbie was right in front of me, and I simply adore her voice. It was very calming to hear a friend perform right before you, and she did so well! The performance itself was terrifying. Singing in front of people is a fear that I've been trying diligently to get over for a while now, but it still petrifies me. Also, a venue that seats 900 was packed to standing room only. That didn't help. After being psychologically pushed around about what jewelry I should wear on stage, I ended up ditching everything but my favorite wooden cross, and that helped me initially walk out. Also, the stage manager told me that I was the production team's favorite, which made me feel special, especially being a techie myself. Anyways, I performed. I forgot lyrics at one point, I definitely went to fast in the beginning, and I was totally fine with it. It was scary, but it was amazing. I made some wonderful friends, I had a great day surrounded by exceedingly talented people, and it was an unforgettable experience. My rooommates, Mallory and Shannon, came, along with Natasha and Kelsen, and we all went to steak and shake. Jason, and the "All-Around Best" winner, Ninam, a beat boxer came with us. I almost fell on my plate, but it was a wonderful way to end the day. So that's about it as far as night of stars goes. I get my paycheck card in a week and a half, so surviving till then will be an adventure no doubt haha. I did just turn in a big wedding planning project this morning, and I did really well. I'm so excited to find out what my grade is! I'm reaching the last few pages of "Man Alive," which has been such a great book, of course, and my John Green books, "Paper Towns," and "Looking for Alaska," just came in the mail today!! Perfect timing. DFTBA people. For non-nerdfighters and people that don't follow the vlogbrothers on youtube, that means don't forget to be awesome :)

Peace.

Deep Breaths.

I gave up complaining for lent. Therefor, you can try to extricate how my day was by the list of things I told myself I should thank God for all day:
-Thank you, God, for my car.
-Thank you, God, that I have a job.
-Thank you, God, that I have roommates that won't kill me in my sleep.
-Thank you, God, that I have a house with air-conditioning that at least works some of the time.
-Thank you, God, that I have a home to go to after the program.
-Thank you, God, for my opportunity to go to school.
-Thank you, God, for my credit card that also works occasionally.
-Thank you, God, for my boyfriend who exists and is awesome even when he's 900 miles away.
-Thank you, God, for my family who I talk to.
-Thank you, God, that my best friend is my best friend and also still talks to me.
-Thank you, God, for my awesome community that will still be existent when I come home.

Whew. Night of stars is on monday, huge project due thursday, really excited for both! Also, for night of stars, they feed us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Free food=reason for my existence. Ok, granted, when it comes to food I am prone to exaggeration. Must skype/sleep now. By the way, yoga is awesome! Go do it!

37 days!!

I feel like I can almost taste the Fairfax air! My roommate, Mallory, and I realized just how close the end is and we've compiled a to-do list before we leave. It's nice to be on the same page as someone. Tonight, we're going to eat at house of blues and see a movie at the theatre in downtown disney. We're going to look cute, which is always fun :) I haven't worn eye-liner in so long! I also finally finished another book called Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love, which is a wonderful book written by Edward Sri, whose talk I went to last FOCUS conference. The book is a commentary on JPII's Love and Responsibility, and serves as a guide of application. It was so good! There are so many thing out there to learn and think about, and I've never been as desperate to read everything and anything good I can as I have been down here. I'm already on chapter 4 of my next book, called Man Alive by G.K. Chesterton. The main character, Innocent Smith, is a man who is so full of simple, pure, and wise joy and passion. The way he interacts with other characters and life in general is so inspiring. It definitely helps me notice moments where I could choose to be more joyful in life. One of these instances was this morning. Disney can change my schedule as long as it's 24 hours or more before the shift, and they warned us about this early on. This, however, has never happened to me, so I simply woke up at 4:45 this morning and showered before heading to work my 6:15 shift. I said a decade on the way to work and just listened to some of my favorite worship songs (Always Have, Always Will by Avalon, Sea of Faces by Kutless, and Owl City's cover of In Christ Alone), and it just felt like such a grace-filled morning, especially considering I woke up before five with four hours of sleep. When I got on the bus that takes me from the parking lot to the park, a man announced "It's the driver's birthday, so everyone make sure to wish her a good one!". Everyone did as we got off the bus, and she had one of the biggest smiles on her face I've ever seen. After I found out I wasn't working, I headed back to the same bus, and had a lovely conversation with that same bus driver. The drive home was much like the drive to work, and because I had coffee, I decided not to go home and sleep again. I grabbed my guitar and went to our volley-ball court near the water to just play around. I started writing a song, and enjoyed the quiet, cool morning. After that I went home and worked on homework, took a nap, and got together with my group to finish our project that's due tomorrow. This day has just been a really good day off, and it's the first day I haven't struggled with gossip or complaining since lent began. Those two, to my surprise, have been the hardest parts of lent. Making time for prayer in the morning is easier because I either drive or take the bus in the morning, and facebook is much easier this year than it was for me last year. I think the environment here is just very conducive to both gossip and complaining; performers are around people lacking common sense all day, and it's so easy to make passing comments about them or other performers, or to complain about the very small, inconsequential inconveniences they present. I think today has been a good encouragement for going into the rest of my week. Also, the character in Man Alive  that I mentioned earlier has a wonderful knack for noticing and mentioning the positive in any and every aspect of creation he comes across, whether it be a person or a leaf. I tried this tactic yesterday, and it led to a great little chat with a foreign lady in line for groceries. I told her that her earrings were pretty, and we talked about how we both really enjoy thrift stores and flea markets. I then mentioned that I loved one of the cashiers long, silver hair to the lady with the earrings. She commented that she liked how I was so easily made happy by everything. What a wonderful thing to aspire to! I told her that I was trying my best, which is very genuinely true. Anyways, so excited about coming up on this home stretch for coming home!

Nice things

I was always confused when people say that they like "nice things". I also like nice things, but I don't mean  to say that I like big tv's or fancy restaurants or shiny shoes. Nice things hold value, but those things never did, for me. For me, when people say "nice things", the first things that come to mind are things like hand-written notes, good conversation, and hot chocolate. This past week involved a lot of my nice things. I have known a couple of girls from one of my classes since the beginning of my program, and we've always gotten along well, but we recently started spending time together. It is wonderful! Natasha and Kelsen are cousins from Utah, and they're both just lovely. They're grounded girls with their heads and the right place, yet they can also be fun and helplessly romantic- which, of course, is something we have in common. Well... the second pair of adjectives, at least. We stayed up talking last week and ate strawberries and pretzels dipped in melted chocolate and frosting the other week while talking about our families, friends, and faiths. Kelsen is Mormon, and her moral code is so encouraging. It took a bit, but I've finally found some girls that want to have fun the way I think of fun. They don't need alcohol, but it usually requires food :) My type of girls, for sure! The other day we stayed up and ate white cheddar cheez-its and watched episodes of the twilight zone. After that, we talked more about our lives, started planning their visit to D.C., which we have all sworn to implementing, and I got to do some healthy gushing about Kevin's visit.
Which I will do a very abridged version of now.
I picked up him up at the airport, we checked him into the hotel where I talked to the concierge (we have mutual friends in the program) and awkwardly explained that only he was checking in and that I obviously wasn't too because we're not married or grown-ups and feeling judged walking him to his room and wanting to explain to everyone that passed us that I wasn't staying and ugh it was emotionally distressing. I mean... I got over it eventually haha. Then he came back to my apartment and got to meet some of my roommates. I got him out of there as soon as possible, lest he be fully exposed to roommate behavior ( I failed, he definitely got them in full blast the following couple of days). Then we watched Forrest Gump, which was awesome! We also went for a walk to the basilica and walked around outside- there's a beautiful little shrine to the Blessed Mother and Child, along with a lovely little rosary garden. It was so separate from what I've gotten used to in the abrasive world that is the college program, so it was very refreshing. I had to go to class for the majority of the next day, but headed to dinner with his brother, Ryan, after I finally got home. I gave Kevin a Metallica history lesson on the way, because, apparently, Ryan likes Metallica, and we got to talk about it during dinner. It was funny, because I thought gaining that knowledge was a total waste of time. We did go to the wrong Seasons 52 at first... so we were late... which is something Kevin and I are good at. The next day we were at Islands of Adventure all day- mostly in The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. BUTTERBEER IS THE BOMB. One of my favorite parts was buying Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and picking them for each other. I succeeded in picking a few really, very truly nasty ones. We ate dinner that night at Bubba Gump Shrimp, staying true to watching the movie earlier. We also watched "The Last Lecture" which one of my favorite books is based off of. Read it if you have a weekend to yourself! The next day, we slept in a bit, headed to Animal Kingdom, where I got to show Kevin where I work sometimes, take some pictures with characters, and see both the Finding Nemo musical and The Festival of the Lion King.
**Oh! Fun fact! Translation of the beginning of the Lion King:

Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba [Here comes a lion, Father]
Sithi uhm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion]

Nants ingonyama bagithi baba
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama
Ingonyama

Siyo Nqoba [We're going to conquer]
Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala [A lion and a leopard come to this open place]**

so that was hysterical, and we laughed about that for a while. The best part of that show is that there was this little girl with dirty blonde hair and big green eyes that couldn't have been older than five who was sitting next to us. Near the end of the show, I poked Kevin and both of us marveled at her adorable-ness. I realized that her mom probably noticed we were staring and I told her, "She is just so precious!" Her mom said thank you, and a couple moments later, she laughed and told me that the daughter asked her what "precious" meant. I told her that it mean very, very cute and special. I wish I got a picture with that little girl instead of pooh, she was way cuter. Then we went to epcot where we walked around, took pictures, went on a couple of rides, and watched the fireworks show. We ate at planet hollywood, which , by the way, has amazing barbeque bacon cheeseburgers, and watched Up at the hotel. The next day, we went to church in the morning, and drove to Tampa right afterwards to have lunch with Kevin's older brother, Troy. It wasn't exactly in tamp, it was in this place called Ybor City. Kevin promised me roaming chickens, but apparently, some recent construction has scared them off. Both of Kevin's brothers are great. They are very kind, very friendly people, and I felt welcome in their company. After lunch with Troy, I took Kevin to the airport. We split some starbucks and reminisced about the visit, and then we said good-bye at security. It was sad, but I only have a month and a half left here- 7 weeks. I'm so excited about going home! I got a great letter from my sister, and it just made me want to get on a plan then and there. My mom pointed out something to me the other day, though, that was insightful and encouraging. I am here for a reason. I'm not sure what the reason is, but there is a greater one than "forwarding my resume". I hope I can live it out to the best of my ability, but I also think I'm going to make a tear-away countdown to coming home tonight :)

Excitement and Kleenex

Ok! So when we last saw our struggling, overly-bedazzled college programmer, she was sick, yet enthused with being accepted into the Disney talent show.
...Not much has changed haha.
I called to confirm that I want to participate, and I left a message, but wasn't able to talk to anyone which kind of worries me, but, eh, no big. I really should be finishing my last 10 pages of "Common Sense 101", right now, but I just got back from work at Hollywood Studios, and I have a box of white cheddar cheezits that I'm going to do some damage on while I blog and watch an episode of one of my favorite shows, The Big Bang Theory. I looooove me some Big Bang Theory... and white cheddar cheezits.
Anyways, because my fever finally went away yesterday, I decided to go for a run. I am still a little sick, and I haven't run in 3 days, so I did 2.5 and was exhausted. Last week, when Mallory went for a run, her I.D. fell somewhere and she couldn't find it. I got scared by this and wore really big basketball shorts so I could keep my I.D. safe in the deep confines of the boy-pockets. Lo and behold, it still manages to fall out at some point of my run. I went back and looked for it, but it was late and dark. Thankfully, some kind soul from the richy-rich complex found it and returned it. I've heard a lot of stories like mine where people hear a story, get scared into changing their routine, and the thing they were scared of happening happened as a result of that change. I bet there's a word for that in German...
Last week, I got to do some great networking with the wedding planners here. I really think that if I keep up contact with them, I might have a place here for me in a couple years with the professional internship. I'm going to write a thank-you note to the woman I interviewed, because I think I did a really good job on the assignment having to do with networking, thanks to her. We have a huge project due in that class at the end of the semester and I'm so pumped for it. It's a huge board that describes (and artistically presents) the career that we want. I'm thinking some lace, some satin ribbon, some scrap-booking paper, rhine stones, pearls, and toulle and BAM! we got ourselves a winner :) In my other class, marketing you, we had a sub who spoke a good bit of class about C.S. Lewis and Tolkein. He was hysterical! He also mentioned that he was not a relativist, when he was talking about how he believes in being honest with people you work with if they have a viewpoint that is wrong, but humble enough to admit when you might be wrong. He claimed that he would never see us again, so after class, I approached him and asked, "Can I make a prediction?" He looked kind of surprised, but said "Uh..Sure?" I said "You're Catholic, you know about the Inkpots, and are probably a Chesterton fan." He laughed out loud and said that I was right. We talked about a couple of books and swapped favorite quotes for a bit and then exchanged e-mails. It was funny, I felt like Kevin. Speaking of which! Kevin comes down this coming week, and I'm SUPER CRAZY EXCITED. Who's going to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter? Yeah. That's right. We are.

Dry updates are like toast. No butter. No jelly. Just toast.

I have a fever... this thoroughly disables whatever organ comes up with the billions of metaphors and other cleverness apparatuses that I occasionally put to use.

Ergo (and consider yourself warned), a completely dry, thoroughly empirical update.

1. I auditioned for the "Night of Stars" talent show and did not feel that great about the audition- I got an email today saying that I've been selected to participate :) I'm super excited!

2. I was able to interview an assistant wedding planner for Disney's Fairy Tale Weddings today, and it went great!

3. Tomorrow, I get to go to a networking seminar for Disney event planning- it's sure to be very interesting,  so I'm also very excited for that.

... because this feels so immensely inadequate and unsatisfying, I'll probably write something at least attempting above robotic emotion tomorrow.

Faith, trust, and... oh geez, please no more pixie dust.

Something about this place has made me sarcastic. I think it's overexposure to sparkles. Actually... I'm sure it's overexposure to sparkles. Any of the glitter, color, ostentatiousness, joviality, and otherwise stated pomp that would, or could, be included in my normal day to day is extremely augmented and then concentrated into my work environment. Don't get me wrong, I love happiness. I would not be working for Disney if I did not love happiness, and, of course, the happiness that comes with entertaining people. But, this being my blog, I must use a metaphor. If you get sick of metaphors easily, hold your breath and speed-read, it will end at some point.
In the summer, my family makes a ton of lemonade. We use country something or other powder to make this lemonade. For me, making lemonade is difficult. My thought process is usually as follows:
"Wow. It's hot outside. I want lemonade. Dang it! There isn't any made in the fridge... Ok, here we go again. What? Fluid oz.? But... there aren't pounds of water... there are liters... how many is 16 oz then? How many are in a liter? This pitcher could maybe be a liter or two I suppose. WHAT. There aren't even any markings on this pitcher! Should I call mom? Heck, I bet Greg could even figure this out... Gah I don't want to look stupid, I have to just try a couple times. WOAH HO that is way too sweet. Yep and that tastes like water now..."
My point is, balance. There is too much sugar in my pitcher.
An effect of this overly-sweetened life is trying to make some balance. Gossip in the break-room and complaining about shifts used to not be a problem for me, but it's been introducing itself lately. So I gave it up for lent. No more complaining or gossiping. I've given up gossiping before, and it was really tough. Surprise! It's tough again. I didn't realize how tempting it really is until I gave it up. It's an easy way in to conversation, an even easier conversation starter, and it takes all potentially criticizing eyes away from you and onto another person. To be completely honest, the more I keep myself from doing it, the more I realize the poisoning effects it has. It is definitely making it less difficult.
As far as complaining goes, Japan knocked that out of me pretty effectively.

"Why don't they give us real food instead of desserts" loses in a my horse is bigger than your horse contest with "I don't have a home or food anymore" any day of the week. I also think that not complaining can only be made easier with gratitude. I'm really excited to see what the effects of this Lent are for me. Anyways, finally got some pictures worth sharing for you all :)

Here is a character that I have become quite close to ;)

And here he is again with some of his friends!